Karin, te quiero explicar algo ….
Mayo 7, 2008
Siento mucho Karin que te haya enojado de esa manera, entiendo que no quieras sufrir calenturas ajenas.
Mi motivo para dejar de escribir es muy sencillo, perdí interés e ilusión, no veía razón para seguir escribiendo sobre un amor lleno de incertidumbres, porque la mayoría de las preguntas que me has hecho en este último comentario tienen la misma respuesta, NO.
¿Qué iba a escribir ahora?
Me faltaban las ganas y el valor para decir que ya no podía seguir ilusionada con Miguel, o al menos no de la misma manera.
Me di cuenta de que a pesar que nos queremos muchísimo llevamos vidas distintas y sus sueños ya estaban allí antes de reencontrarme con él.
Sus sueños están por encima de todo, a pesar de nuestro amor.
Podríamos estar juntos toda la vida, pero eso significaría sacrificar la vida de mis hijos, o en su defecto la suya.
Podría pedirle una prueba de amor:
Olvídate de tus sueños e ilusiones por mi.
Pero es ponerle entre la espada y la pared.
Y me llevaría un chocazo tremendo en el corazón porque elegiría sus sueños.
Sus sueños y su vida, y de como quería vivir su vida ya estaban allí antes que yo.
Es como mis hijos, ya estaban allí cuando él llegó, es como si él me diera a elegir entre mis hijos o él.
Se que pueden parecer dos cosas muy diferentes, pero le conozco, y para él tiene el mismo significado mis hijos que su vida.
Es doloroso equivocarse una y otra vez, y también que no salgan las cosas como uno quiere, pero dicen que así es la vida.
Por supuesto que soy luchadora y tenaz, por eso se que jamás perderé a Miguel, siempre estaremos juntos, aunque sea en la distancia o seguro, en ocasiones tengamos algunas escapadas juntos como las que yo hago a Madrid.
La noche que estuve hablando con él, y en la que decidí dejar de escribir, se me vino el mundo abajo.
Estábamos haciendo planes como dos auténticos novios enamorados, pero no me acordé que tenía hijos.
Por esto que he escrito aquí dejé de escribir, para volver a escribir necesito recobrar mi chispa, no quiero escribir por escribir.
Se que me habéis ayudado muchísimo en muchos momentos, y no he parado de agradecer vuestra ayuda desconsiderada, y os invito a que me ayudeis de nuevo si aún os quedan ganas.
Necesito hablar, aunque os parezca una estupidez, pero el simple echo de poner mi blog en el explorador y encontrarme algún comentario vuestro escrito en él, me da muchos ánimos, siento la necesidad de contestar, y siento al menos en estos momentos que tengo algo de que hablar.
Porque sinceramente mi vida es muy aburrida, estoy muy cansada de la misma rutina, aquí en este pueblo la mayoría de las veces me siento incomprendida, es como si estuviera loca por pensar cosas que los demás dan por echo que son locuras, aunque no lo sean.
Hasta se han reído de mi por decir que se puede trabajar con un ordenador desde casa.
Me toman por loca e ilusa porque ellos jamás lo harían, prefieren seguir trabajando en su obra u oficina el resto de su vida, que no digo que esté mal, pero hay que pensar que no todos estamos echos del mismo patrón, si todos fuéramos iguales y pensáramos igual no habría médicos, abogados, astronautas … todos tendríamos los mismos objetivos, sin llegar a pensar que podemos ser algo mas.
Sin ilusiones, sin ideales … todos iguales … y esto no funciona así.
Por eso creo que a veces estoy fuera de lugar, porque si pienso en alto me toman por chiflada, y no lo estoy, simplemente hablo con las personas equivocadas, no están en el mismo sendero que yo.
Ellos están en un rebaño y yo estoy en otro totalmente distinto.
Yo no quiero seguir a un perro que me guíe toda la vida, quiero tener mis propias metas e intentar salir del rebaño que piensan todos por igual, sin metas ni objetivos, porque se piensan que éstos se los da la vida, no hay que buscarlos.
Un buen amigo me recomendó el libro “Donde está mi Queso” , mañana seguramente ya me lo hayan traído a la librería, lo encargué el miércoles pasado.
Es posible que mi queso sea Miguel, y por eso jamás dejaré de luchar por él.
La paciencia dicen que es una virtud, hasta dónde tendré yo la mía …. eso lo sabré con el tiempo.
De momento seguiré viviendo … solo viviendo … la vida que he impuesto.
Hasta que me canse y y decida encontrar a personas que realmente piensen como yo.
Un beso muy fuerte a todos y gracias por seguir aguantándome.
PD: Dulce, no me olvido de mis hijos, siguen a mi lado y estoy siempre cuando me necesitan.
Y Rosio, me conmovió mucho el vídeo que me enviaste, gracias.
Africa: no digo q el debe de dejar sus metas o sueños por ti, es nada mas q te de dedique calidad de tiempo juntos, incluyendo a tus hijos, como tu lo apoyas con sus proyectos cada dia, hora tras hora. tu das mucho, debes de ser correspondida de la misma forma, espero q asi sea, por tu bienestar y para sentirte segura.
creo q me sobrepase con lo q te escribi anteriormente. solo te deseo lo mejor en la vida estes con quien estes, estoy segura q toda la gente q te ha escrito en todos estos meses te ha tomado cariño, y queremos q tengas una linda vida, al diablo con los pueblerinos, eres de otro corral, acuerdate q la gente no te da de comer, sigue siendo tu misma.
mucha suerte Africa…
cambio y fuera
estas completamente segura?
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